I suppose the title could be shortened to “Are we paying attention?” Quick answer: no. At least, it is hard to pay attention to things that do not directly affect us.
Today, it is raining. It is not raining everywhere, but it is raining where I am, therefore it behooves me to pay attention to the rain that directly affects me, but not the sun, rain, or snow in another region around the world. On the other hand, knowing that it is raining somewhere else, and that rain could have an impact on my life is good to know. Are we paying attention to the important things? How do we determine which rain is essential to know of and which is not?
You probably will not be affected by the consequences of the rain I am experiencing right now; it is not important for you to know that while I was writing this post it was raining, and then it stopped, and then started again, yet now you know it. Does the knowledge of someone experiencing rain prompt you to look to various weather information sources to see if there is some significant weather heading in your direction? If knowledge of my rain helped you plan for unrelated weather around you, then paying some small measure of attention to my rain was useful.
But rain, weather, is a fact of life, even if the state of the fact keeps changing. Facts are not questions, and questions are even harder to pay attention to.
What makes questions so difficult are assumptions. Listening to another person is not easy, especially when we think we know someone else well enough to know their thoughts and questions. We assume we know what another person is feeling, or we just want to get to the point. The question is taking too long. Even someone like me who has been trained in “Active Listening” make this error with friends and family frequently. I, in enthusiastic love at best and superior arrogance at worst, assume the knowledge a loved one has, their point of view, and I leave no room for surprises. I miss the beauty of the interaction, sharing unknown facts and different viewpoints. I am not paying attention to the question.
When I was studying to take the Presbyterian Ordination Exams, the best piece of advice I received was to read the question “with comprehension.” In other words, pay attention to what is being asked instead of assuming I know what the exam writers are really asking. Those who fail the exam typically do so because we do not pay attention to the actual question; we try to be too clever. I passed, but barely. I needed to give the asked question more consideration.
Or my answers may have been good, but they were not what the exam readers had been told were the exact answers. Reading with comprehension goes both ways.
I enjoy watching various video media with my partner, and one genre I enjoy are various mystery-type storytelling videos. When I know there is going to be a grand reveal at the end of the show or movie, I like to look for clues, how is the real story being told in the background while the misdirection takes place in the foreground? Sometimes I see many clues and feel incredibly clever, but sometimes I miss things. Typically, between my partner and I, we see most of the relevant clues and figure out the real story, but that takes a lot of concentration, and we miss the experience of the movie as presented. Which is the best thing to pay attention to, the foreground movie experience or the background cleverness? Can you experience both?
What we pay attention to and how we do it are both important. But again, these are facts and situations. Hearing questions with comprehension is even more difficult to do. We bring our own experiences and assumptions to every encounter, our own perceptions and misconceptions. A simple, “is it raining again?” can be interpreted in myriad ways. If the person asking likes the rain, but you do not, how will you hear the question? You may hear whining or complaining, and if you feel you are not in the position to complain will you shut down the question with a scoffing, “what do you think? Pay attention! There’s nothing you can do to change it, so work with the rain.” Yes, the words of the question were heard by the listener, but the question, and questioner, were not granted the attention they deserve.
We make assumptions all the time when we hear questions, and sometimes it is because the one asking the questions is doing so in a way that is incomprehensible to us. We cannot pay attention to the asked question because of other circumstances.
For example, in the Gospel reading for this week, it is another story about the disciples locked away in a room, fearing for their lives. Suddenly Jesus, who was supposed to be dead, appears, and asks everyone, “why are you afraid? Why is there doubt in your hearts?”
As the story goes, the disciples did not respond to these questions other than with joy and disbelief, so Jesus asked another question. “Do you have anything to eat?”
This is the question I want to pay attention to.
Eating is a vital part of life, and in the various gospel stories we see this Jesus figure feeding people over and again. The gospel reading for Sunday takes place in the text right after the story about two disciples traveling the road to Emmaus. In that story, as these two individuals are wandering home, dejectedly, a figure starts walking with them: a mysterious figure who knows nothing about the events of the past few days, namely Jesus’ death. These disciples are despondent. It is said that some of their numbers have seen post-death Jesus, but they do not see how the rumors can be true. They reach their destination and offer food to this stranger. The stranger blesses the meal, breaks the bread, these disciples recognize their rabbi/teacher Jesus, and he disappears before he can take a bite. No wonder by the time he reaches the gathering of disciples he is hungry.
Thankfully, the disciples respond to the stated question and give him some food. Question asked and answered. But this is a situation where there is more going on. In the stories, Jesus feeds so many people, without question. Even when his followers complain about lack of funds or other capacity, he feeds people. Meanwhile, how quickly after his death do the disciples huddle in a locked room where they cannot see those who are hungry? What if this question is two-fold: yes, Jesus is hungry and needs to be nourished. He who made others whole in body and spirit needs to be made whole with the help of his friends and followers. What if the other part of the question was a reminder to those same followers to feed the same people their teacher had taken care of so adroitly?
Were the disciples paying attention to not only the question, but also the lessons of their teacher?
All life is contextual, and we become locked in our own context by fear, anger, loss, misconception. We judge others without knowing circumstances, and we ascribe our own thoughts as the same motivating factors for another person. We forget to not only ask questions, but also listen to each other.
The next time someone asks you a question, do not assume you know the answer, or even the question before they stop talking. I do not intend for you to conduct your life as a continual game of twenty questions, be reasonable. But the next time someone asks if it is raining, evaluate if they are looking to go outside and want to know what coat to wear, planning their day of chores and knowing if they can work outside will be helpful, or in need of some recreation and the choice is between reading indoors or a walk outside. Rain will change these plans, not for good or ill, simply for different. When you pause, stop, and listen not only to the stated question, but also to the context of another person, you may be surprised and learn something new and different about the person before you, the one you love and know so well.
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